


should i go

by AssumingMinds19



Series: Where Should I Be [2]
Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: F/F, I love me some Zor-El, More of Kara's Dad, NUMBER 2 OF WINGING IT, No idea where this one is going either, Writing the sequel becuse it wouldn't leave my brain, short little ficlet
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-26
Updated: 2018-04-11
Packaged: 2019-03-24 08:42:29
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 16,824
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13807614
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AssumingMinds19/pseuds/AssumingMinds19
Summary: Time has passed since Kara’s coma, but she still has dreams about her time on the other side. She's beginning to spend more time in her dreams, then she does in reality. The reasons she decided to stay are drifting further from her grasp.ORIf I Stay fic number 2





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Well hello there people. Decided it was time for my first mini fic to get a sequel mini fic. Hope you like! Let me know in the comments below :)

_Kara….._

 

_You can come home now._

 

_We’re with you Kara._

 

_Always._

 

_————_

 

Zor El was waiting in his usual spot, and as ever the sun was rising. It bathed the whole planet in a red hue. Kara moved forward to sit on the edge of the cliff with her father and drank in the sight. 

 

“I’m glad I get to see it again. Even when I dream, it’s never enough,” she said to her father.

 

The man smiled down at her, and Kara was again struck that no matter how many years pass, he would always remain the same age.

 

“You’re sad. What’s wrong?” He asked.

 

The blonde ran her fingers through the dirt beside her, rubbing it over her fingertips. 

 

“How do I know, that this is real? Are you real or is this just a figment of my brain? Did I get some sort of permeant damage when I was in that coma?”

 

The painter frowned down at his daughter and hesitated before he spoke.

 

“You… lingered far longer between the metaphysical planes than most, dear one. It’s not something many people come back from completely. Many would have passed on, even as you chose to stay.”

 

“I had to,” she replied simply. “I needed to. For Lena, for my family here on Earth.”

 

Zor El hummed in response but didn’t comment further.

 

“Krypton will never die you know, as long as it exists in your memory and heart.”

 

“But when I go, it will be lost completely,” Kara said sadly in reply.

 

Her father reached over an gripped her hand, and his daughter could have cried at the feeling of his hand.

 

“No, little one. Krypton is a place, it’s a feeling. A sense of purpose, and love. Honour our people best, by letting go of this,” he said gesturing to the red landscape before gently touching her cheek.

 

“And living your life free of the past.”

 

The edges of the world began to fade, and Kara panicked. She gripped her father’s hand tight.

 

“I can’t let you go,” she cried.

 

Zor El gave her a sad smile, before disappearing 

 

* * *

 

_I’ll never leave you, Kara._

 

_Never_

 

* * *

 

The blonde woke with a start, her heart pounding in her chest. She felt a tickle of hair on her nose, as Lena shifted in her arms stirring from her sleep.

 

“Kara?” The CEO questioned drowsily.

 

The blonde hushed her quickly, even though her heart continued to pound.

 

“Shhh… go back to sleep.”

 

Lena pressed herself further into the blonde’s arms before drifting back to sleep. Kara, however, remained wide awake thinking about the dreams she kept having of Krypton, her father and her mother. Dreams which were becoming increasingly more intricate as she questioned her parents further and further about themselves and her old planet. She drank in every word, and the knowledge stayed with her into the waking hours.

 

She wondered if it was real, or if it was all the product of her longing to be with them. As much as she adored the woman in her arms, a part of her felt that not all of her heart had come back with her the day she decided to stay. And she felt guilty because she wondered if she could ever really love Lena properly as long as her mind lingered on whether she really made the right decision.

 

Her dark haired girlfriend mumbled in her sleep and Kara pressed a kiss to her forehead before gripping her tight and burrowing her head into the other woman’s hair.

 

“Love you,” she whispered out.

 

“Love you,” the breathy reply returned.

 

Kara sighed internally as the weight of guilt pressed down on her again, and she remained troubled even as she drifted off to sleep.

 

* * *

 

_I see you in my dreams sometimes._

_Even though I don’t dream of you._

 

_No matter what I see,_

_I see you._

 

* * *

 

“Kara.”

 

_You need to let go, dear one._

 

“Kara?”

 

_Live your own life._

 

“Kara!”

 

The blonde hero snapped out of her fog and zoned in on a frustrated looking Alex, who was staring at her with a raised eyebrow. Kara couldn’t help but feel a flash of irritation at her adoptive sister interrupting her daydreams. Lately, if she focused really hard the edged of her eyes began to get fuzzy and she could hear her parent’s voices speaking clearly to her.

 

“What?” She snapped, shocking Alex. 

 

Kara felt instantly guilty and shot the other woman an apologetic smile.

 

“Sorry, I’m just… distracted.”

 

The redhead looked at her with concern.

 

“Kara… I’m starting to get worried about you. Whenever I see you these days, it’s like you’re not really… here. I caught you napping in the med bay three times this week! Lena says you’ve been having trouble sleeping-“

 

“She said what?” Kara asked, furious she was being reported on. Alex raised her hands in defence.

 

“Woah there! She was just worried about you Kara, she loves you. And I’m really getting concerned now. Never mind the sleeping, these outbursts of aggression… It’s not you Kara. What’s wrong?”

 

The blonde scowled and stood up from her seat.

 

“And you’re the expert on me are you? If you’ll excuse me, I’m going to fly somewhere where people don’t feel a need to talk about me behind my back. Preferably for a long time.”

 

Kara launched herself into the sky fast, leaving a highly confused Alex behind. 

 

* * *

 

She was flying again.

 

Across the water, flashes of blue, green and red.

 

Flying far, far away

 

* * *

 

_Stay with me my dear_

_Please don’t go_

 

_For if you leave me, you’ll take my heart with you_

_Please don’t go_

 

_But if you leave, take me too_


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 2 of le mini ficlet. Enjoy :)

He was a hairy looking alien, that was for sure.

 

And big.

 

And mean.

 

And he packed a hell of a punch.

 

Kara had to fight the urge to groan as she picked herself up from out of the crater of concrete she had been thrown into. 

 

“Supergirl, you ok?” Winn’s voice said over the comms.

 

“Absolutely,” she said slightly breathless before she relaunched herself at the growling four armed alien, narrowly avoiding the series of cars that got thrown her way only to be hit by a fire hydrant. She was knocked back a few feet before she resumed her onslaught. 

 

Despite her efforts, the big guy managed to land a few more blows before she subdued him. Alex and a team of agents descended to commence clean up of the situation. Kara was starting to get a slight headache, something she had never experienced before her coma but happened occasionally now. Initially, she had reported them to Alex, who then insisted on running a ridiculous amount of tests only to find nothing wrong. So her methods had grown more inventive, and the blonde hero had quickly lost patience with it so she stopped telling her sister when they occurred.

 

Even if they kept occurring more frequently, and were getting worse.

 

“Hey, you ok?” Alex asked in a concerned voice that sparked Kara’s now always simmering irritation.

 

She scowled at her sister in response, but the redhead didn’t take the hint to stay quiet.

 

“It’s just you took a few knocks there… easy mistakes that have never been a problem before-“

 

“So I can’t have a bad day now Alex? Seriously, just back off,” Kara snapped back, causing Alex to give her the stink eye. 

 

Her sister began to berate her loudly, stating her concern (which was a now daily occurrence) and Kara reverted to her method of ignoring her and zoning out. She focused on the details over her sister’s shoulder and into the small crowd of people that had formed to get a glimpse of Supergirl.

 

“Oh my God! It’s really her!”

 

“She is so awesome, do you think-“

 

“I love that suit.”

 

“Fucking heroes, create more shit-“

 

“Kara.”

 

The blonde focused her attention on the last voice. It had almost sounded like…

 

_Kara……_

 

And there he was. Her father standing in the crowd, staring at her. She stood in shock for a few seconds, before she began to rush forward, only to be hit by a nauseating wave of pain in her head that made her stumble and her eyes go fuzzy.

 

_Kara, do you want to stay?_

 

_Or do you want to go?_

 

_Kara…._

 

_Kara?_

 

“Kara?” 

 

The blonde snapped back to reality refocusing on her sister’s near panicked voice, her headache was starting to fade and when she looked back into the crowd her father’s face had disappeared.

 

“We need to get you to the DEO. Now.” Alex said sternly with a steadying hand on her shoulder while she gestured for other agents to come over.

 

“I’ll call Lena,” she began, taking out her phone.

 

“No, Alex,” Kara said, blocking her sister from making the call.

 

“I’m fine.”

 

Her sister looked furious with her.

 

“No Kara, you are most decidedly not fine! We need to get you checked out, something is seriously wrong with you!”

 

The blonde nearly snarled and began to hover while a white-hot rage flooded her veins.

 

“There’s nothing wrong with me Alex. Nothing,” she boomed, glaring down at her apprehensive sister before she took off into the sky.

 

Kara flew around the city for a few minute in a rage, before she was hit with a bone-weary tiredness. Lena would still be at work, and she was in desperate need of sleep so she headed over to their new shared apartment. It was easier to regulate her strange sleep patterns when they lived apart, but her girlfriend had been hinting to move in together for a while and the blonde didn’t have a logical reason to refuse. Fortunately, Lena’s work took her away at all hours so it wasn’t too bad to pretend like she was getting her normal hours. 

 

But right now, all she wanted was to sink into a pillow. 

 

She barely made it to the bedroom, before she collapsed still in her suit and fell asleep.

 

* * *

 

_She was floating, floating high in the sky. Above the clouds and into the stars._

 

_Away, away…._

 

_So far away._

 

* * *

 

Things were fuzzy again. 

 

And she was her, but not her.

 

Where was she?

 

_Where am I?_

 

“Lena, thank god you picked up?”

 

_Was that Alex’s voice?_

 

Everything was fuzzy and grey.

 

“Alex? What happened? Is Kara ok?”

 

There was panic in that voice, and it caused a burst of colour.

 

Red and green spikes through the grey.

 

“I don’t know Lena. She’s fine physically… I think. Listen, you need to come in and discuss this.”

 

_Why is Lena talking to Alex? Where am I? This isn’t Krypton._

 

A hint of blue was seeping into the colour space and the red and green were swirling.

 

“Alex? What happened? Is Kara ok?”

 

_Wait, what? Didn’t she just ask that?_

 

“Is Kara ok?”

 

* * *

 

_She was floating again now. Over Lena._

 

_The brunette had just walked into their apartment._

 

_“Kara?” She called out, dropping her keys on the table and walking through the room._

 

_“Kara, are you in here?”_

 

_Her girlfriend was walking towards the bedroom, and suddenly she could see herself lying prone on the bed with her cape splayed out and her boots still on._

_Lena walked forward slowly, with a frown on her face._

 

_She sat down on the edge of the bed and placed a hand on Kara’s shoulder._

 

_“Kara?”_

 

_The body didn’t stir, her breath didn’t change._

 

_Lena shook the shoulder harder, and her voice took on a slight edge of panic._

 

_“Kara!”_

 

_Still no movement._

 

_Her girlfriend leaned over her body and flipped her over so she could check her breathing and pulse. Once confirmed, she held Kara’s shoulder’s tightly shouting one more time._

 

_“KARA!”_

 

* * *

 

The blonde woke with a gasp and literally flew into the opposing wall causing a Kryptonian sized dent before she collapsed on the floor breathing in short, sharp bursts.

 

Lena rushed over to her, and Kara scrambled for a hold on the other woman’s arms while still struggling for breath.

 

“Oh my God Kara. It’s ok, it’s ok. Just breath with me. Focus on my heartbeat, can you do that? Focus on it.”

 

The blonde drew all her attention to the heightened rhythm in the brunette’s chest and her breaths slowly evened out. The second her own heart rate was back to normal, her eyes began to droop again.

 

“No, no, no, no, no Kara. I need you to stay with me ok? I need you to stay awake.”

 

The blonde struggled to fight the urge to nod off, and her head began to hurt again.

 

“Lena….” She began drowsily. “I saw him in the world today, my father…”

 

The brunette was only half listening though, she was on the phone with Alex. The blonde was starting to slip sideways on the wall, Lena’s hand the only thing keeping her propped up.

 

“Lena…..” she whispered.

 

Suddenly she felt a blazing hot grip on her right shoulder, and when she turned her head she was met with her father’s blue eyes.

 

_Stay awake little one. You chose to stay. It’s not the time to come home._

 

“Stay awake…..” she whispered. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you liked :)


	3. Chapter 3

 

She wasn’t flying, she could feel the earth beneath her feet.

 

It was vibrating, a hum like a song.

 

It came in steady beats, that matched her heart

 

Light filtered through the trees

 

Red light

 

Blue light

 

Green leaves, green eyes 

 

_Lena_

 

 

* * *

 

 

She was hovering again, over her prone body lying in the medbay and she was struck by how similar her position was to when she was in a coma. Except for this time, she didn’t have a tube down her throat and was instead hooked up to a bunch of wires that seemed to be scanning her brain waves.

 

 

“Alex, tell me you know what’s wrong with her?” 

 

Kara turned and saw that an exhausted-looking Lena and a pale Alex were standing in the doorway of the room, looking at her prone body.

 

“I don’t know Lena. It’s almost like last time, but her body isn’t deteriorating. But her heartbeat is slow. Very slow.”

 

“And her breathing is shallow,” her girlfriend whispered out before walking over to stand next to the blonde’s body. The green-eyed woman stared down at her, and tears began to fall from her eyes. 

 

One of them hit Kara’s cheek, and suddenly she could feel a spark her own face. 

 

The room began to take on a fuzzy edge again. Red light filtered through the windows a floated around them.

 

“Kara,” A smooth voice sounded out from beside her.

 

The blonde turned and saw her mother standing with her, looking down at her prone body and the two woman standing above it. Alura turned and looked at her with sad eyes.

 

“What’s happening to me?” Kara whispered out.

 

Her mother looked pained and paused before she answered.

 

“You were gone too long in between this plane and the one beyond. You interacted too much with both and now your mind is… disjointed.”

 

The hero watched slightly panicked as Alex and Lena murmured to each other.

“It’s different than last time. Before, when I was asleep everything was different, but it was like I floated smoothly between them. Now it’s all hitting at once. How are you here?”

 

Her mother let out a bell-like laugh.

 

“How are you, little one? Standing hovering over your own form, listening to conversations you shouldn’t be able to hear.”

 

Kara frowned, and she tried to focus on her girlfriend and sister’s words, but she couldn’t hear them anymore.

 

“But they’re here. And I can’t hear them, only you. What do I do?”

 

Alura moved until she was leaning over Kara’s prone form. She leaned down to whisper in the bodies ear and the blonde heard it clearly in her mind.

 

_Remember why you chose to stay._

 

* * *

 

_Night and day, dark and light_

 

_Church bells ring, and singers die_

 

_I cannot see, for all my might_

 

_Take me home, I cannot fight_

 

 

* * *

 

 

Kara opened her eyes slowly, her head felt like a concrete block and her mouth tasted like dirt. There was a steady beeping coming from a machine somewhere next to her as well as slow even breathing that the blonde recognised as her girlfriend’s. 

 

She squinted and looked to her left to see Lena curled up in a chair next to her completely asleep. Kara raised her heavy hand and reached to touch the brunette.

 

“Lena,” she whispered hoarsely.

 

The green-eyed woman stirred awake and stood up when she realised her girlfriend was awake and sat on the bed looking down at her with concern.

 

“Hey there stranger,” Lena said quietly staring at Kara with gentle concern. 

 

“How do you feel?”

 

The blonde frowned as her head throbbed.

 

“Like a building fell on top of me. Do you think I could have some water?”

 

“Of course darling,” Lena said while picking up a water cup with a straw for Kara to drink from. 

 

Once the blonde no longer felt like she had swallowed sandpaper, she spoke again.

 

“What happened?”

 

The brunette frowned down at her.

 

“What’s the last thing you remember Kara?”

 

The blonde tried to concentrate on her scattered thoughts. 

 

There was an alien and her sister. They had a fight?

 

But then her father was there… and then she was here… with her mother?

 

Another sharp pain hit her head, and her eyes started to go fuzzy again. The heart monitor spiked suddenly and Lena’s grip on her shoulders tightened.

 

“Kara, Kara I need you to look at me, ok? Focus on my voice and look into my eyes.”

 

The blonde’s racing thoughts managed to hear and latch onto the CEO’s words. She turned her gaze directly to Lena’s.

 

Her eyes were so green… they had forests in them……

 

A swirl of other colours was starting to appear, but was wiped away just as fast.

 

“Kara, listen to my voice ok? I love you and you need to focus on me.”

 

The blonde zoomed out and took in Lena’s whole worried face and her heart rate began to drop back to normal as she matched her girlfriend’s breathing.

 

“That’s it,” Lena said smiling and still holding her hand. “That’s it. My darling, good. Just breath with me.”

 

Once the hero was steady again, Lena made to leave.

 

“Ok Kara, I just need to get your sister.”

 

“NO!” she yelled panicked.“Don’t go. Please.”

 

The brunette hesitated, before giving in and continuing to hold her hand.

 

“Ok, my darling. I’m not going anywhere.”

 

The blonde hero’s breath began to even out again and her eyes felt droopy again. 

 

“Lena…” she whispered slowly. “Is it ok if I go to sleep again? My eyes aren’t fuzzy and I don’t see red on the edges… I just feel tired. Like I haven’t slept in a year… Can I go to sleep?”

 

The green-eyed woman hesitated before asking gently.

 

“Is that what happened before? Did your eyes… go fuzzy?”

 

“Mhmm hmm,” Kara mumbled into her chest.

 

Lena squeezed her hand lightly a the blonde fought to keep her eyes open and focus on the CEO’s worried face.

 

“It’s ok Lena…” She drawled softly. “I promise to come back… this time.”

 

She started to slip further into her sleep and almost disappeared when she heard Lena’s final, sad words.

 

“This time?”

 

* * *

 

“Kara, what are you doing here?”

 

She was back on her clifftop and her father was standing with her again. But this time, he looked angry.

 

“I don’t know,” she whispered softly and a slow tear escaped her eye and hit the red dirt beneath them. Suddenly, a plant sprouted from where the tear had landed. It grew so fast, Kara barely had time to scramble back before a full grown earth tree stood in its place. 

 

She stared at it in wonder. No tree like this had ever graced Krypton’s surface and breathed its air.

 

“Kara…” Her father began, having moved to stand next to her and look up at the tree. 

 

“This isn’t real. This place,” He said gesturing around them. “It isn’t a real place.”

 

The blonde frowned and shook her head in disagreement.

 

“No,” she said leaning down to run the dirt between her fingers.

 

“I can see it. I can smell it. I can feel it,” she said adamantly and defiantly. “It is real.”

 

Zor El brought his hand to her heart.

 

“Kara,” he began pleadingly. “It’s real. In here.”

 

“But this isn’t a place you can live in, or thrive in.”

 

She turned from her father and pressed her hand against the bark of the new tree.

 

“This would beg to differ.”

 

Zor El paused before he placed his hand over hers and joined it against the tree.

 

“This is something from your home Kara. Your new home.”

 

Kara nodded.

 

“From earth,” she confirmed.

 

Her father shook his head at her response.

 

“No Kara. Home isn’t a place, remember?”

 

The blonde’s breath caught and she let out a slight sigh. Suddenly, a phantom wind began to shake the leaves of the tree.

 

“It’s a feeling,” she whispered out.

 

They stood in silence for a few minutes, while Kara admired the view under the boughs of the new tree. 

 

The sun was still rising, as ever.

 

She began to speak.

 

“Why did I see you today. On earth.”

 

Her father searched her eyes.

 

“You saw what you wished to see,” he answered simply, frustrating his daughter.

 

“No,” she said shaking her head. “You were there. I saw you, I heard you!”

 

He placed a gentle hand on her shoulder and the same feeling she had when she collapsed on the wall the night before blazed through her. That warm heat.

 

“Kara. What you’re doing won't end well. You can’t exist between two planes of reality. You’re going to destroy yourself in both places. You can’t have both. That’s why your body is collapsing in on itself and your mind in plunging realities together.”

 

Her heart began to thump loudly in her chest, and a pain stabbed her mind again.

 

“I can’t let you die! Not again,” she pleaded, but her father’s face took on a pained look.

 

“Kara, we’re gone from your world. You have to let go of us or join us. But you chose to stay the last time we gave you this choice.”

 

_Remember why you chose to stay._

 

 

* * *

 

 

_Stay with me, throughout the eve_

 

_And when it comes, your time to leave_

 

_Take me with you, don’t let me go_

 

_I will not last, of that you know._


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A different tone for this fic, but whatevs

_Flickers of light, have pierced my vision_

 

_Even in the darkness, I see your face_

 

_And although I’m still lost_

 

_I’m falling in love with you_

 

* * *

 

Kara woke up to the slow breathing of someone next to her. Her eyes blinked open and she looked up at the ceiling in confusion. She wasn’t lying on the hard med bay bed she had fallen asleep on, instead, she was back in her’s and Lena’s bedroom. The thousand thread count sheets were soft underneath her fingers, and for the first time in months, she felt well rested. She turned her head to the left and the source of the breathing was found. 

 

Lena’s hair was sprawled out over the pillows and her head was tilted in Kara’s direction but she was still fast asleep. Kara shifted as softly as she could so not to wake her girlfriend up and gently eased out of the sheets and stood up, her feet hitting the cold floor. She’d been changed into her soft pyjamas sometime during her sleep, but she still felt in a sore need for a shower. 

 

She contemplated waking her brunette girlfriend up, but she guessed that Lena had spent a fair amount of however long she’d been asleep worrying and awake at her side, so she could probably use the rest.

 

Kara was halfway through her shower when her super hearing picked up on a loud thump from the bedroom. She was just about to exit the water to investigate, when the door to the bathroom slammed open, almost making her slip in the water. Lena opened the steamed up glass of the shower door and glared at the blonde with a severe expression. 

 

The blue-eyed hero wasn’t able to get more than a surprised squeak out before her girlfriend’expression collapsed as tears filled her eyes. She flung herself fully clothed into the still running shower while wrapping her arms tightly around the bare Kara. Even in the few seconds, it took the blonde to turn off the taps Lena and her clothes had become completely drenched.

 

“Lena…?” The blue-eyed woman questioned softly at the green-eyed woman’s strange behaviour. 

 

Kara returned the tight grip the CEO had around her when she felt the sobs racking through the shorter woman’s frame.

 

“Lena, shh… shh… what’s wrong?” She questioned softly.

 

The brunette yanked herself hard from the blonde’s embrace and glared up at her again with red-rimmed eyes and strands of her hair dripping down her face.

 

“What’s wrong? WHAT’S WRONG SHE ASKED!” She screamed frantic, marching out of the bathroom while the blonde hurried to scramble after her, quickly wrapping a towel around herself. 

 

Lena had begun to pace in their bedroom, leaving small puddles in her wake as she walked. If Kara wasn’t convinced her girlfriend was freaking out before she was certain now. In her right mind, the CEO was OCD about her floorboards and their treatment and care.

 

“You…you….” The brunette said, before turning to face Kara.

 

“You almost die on me again. You fall into….into ANOTHER FUCKING COMA! How do you think I’m feeling? Do you want to know what’s wrong? WHAT’S WRONG IS THE FACT THAT YOU’RE NEVER HERE KARA! When you’re with me, you’re not really with me. A part of your mind is somewhere else, a place I can’t go to. Months of it Kara! And you won’t tell me what’s wrong… you won’t tell anyone what’s wrong. You can’t sleep at night Kara! And these last few days. You’ve been collapsing, and slipping into mini comas! Mumbling about your father and fuzzy eyes…”

 

Lena began to cry again, and Kara was lost for words. The green-eyed woman walked towards her, and the blonde stepped back until she hit the wall. The brunette stared up at her, with tears still streaming down her face.

 

“You’re terrifying me, Kara. And I don’t know how to help you… because I don’t know what’s happening to you.”

 

She finished her words in an exhausted tone before leaning her head against Kara’s shoulder, still crying softly. 

 

The blonde felt a wave of devastation crash over her.

 

The guilt at only realising now, the burden and sadness she was causing for the incredible woman against her. Tears began to fill her own eyes and she wrapped her arms around her girlfriend gently, before her grip turned tight when Lena didn’t pull away. 

 

“I’m sorry,” she whispered into her girlfriend’s ear.

 

Lena didn’t respond verbally, but wrapped her own arms around Kara’s neck and held her tightly.

 

Both women cried softly together for a few minutes before they pulled away from the embrace.

 

“What’s happening to you Kara? Why won’t you tell me?” She said in a defeated and exhausted tone. The blonde’s relaxation from when she woke up had also disappeared.

 

“How long was I out Lena?” The blonde asked softly.

 

“Three days,” the other woman replied.

 

Kara nodded, before asking her next question.

 

“How much sleep have you gotten?”

 

Lena didn’t reply but the green-eyed woman had started to shiver under her wet clothes. The blonde sighed softly.

 

“Lena, you need to get out of these wet clothes. You’re going to get sick.”

 

The brunette nodded mutely but made no move to change so Kara began to gently unbutton her shirt for her and once she had the other woman undressed and dried she coaxed her back to the bed.

 

“Lena, you’re dead on your feet. I think you need to go back to sleep.”

 

The brunette shook her head.

 

“How will I know you’ll wake up? You said… you said last time that you would come back this time…”

 

Kara hushed her girlfriend’s worried tone and pushed a strand of her girlfriend’s hair behind her ear.

 

“I won’t fall asleep. I’ll just sit with you until you do. And I’ll be here when you wake up. I promise.”

 

Lena was clearly struggling to keep her eyes open but was still fighting her exhaustion.

 

“I promise. And when you wake up… I’ll tell you everything.”

 

The brunette held her hand until she fell asleep, and Kara gently extracted it out of her grip. Her eyes were starting to burn, and she was starting to recognise the feeling as a precursor to her falling unconscious.

 

To stop herself, she stared down at her girlfriend’s face and placed a soft kiss on her forehead.

 

“I promise."

 

* * *

 

_Now I sit, and I wonder I do_

 

_If I would ever know peace, except with you_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Leave a comment, if you like.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another chapter, here for your viewership :)

By the time Lena started to stir several hours later, Kara was still sitting ramrod straight against the headboard. She had found the more she focused on not going to sleep, the more her body seemed determined to make that choice for her. Kara’s eyes had become red-rimmed and puffy as the burning and itching grew more pronounced. The blonde hero tried to distract herself by reciting every single grammatical rule in Kyrptonese and English that she could remember. Then she tried to recite all the elements she knew and their properties. Eventually, though, she found that the only thing that really kept her grounded was Lena’s breathing next to her. So Kara resigned herself to gently stroking her girlfriend’s hair and tallying every breath she took in her mind.

 

Her counting was broken when the CEO started to shift, and slowly blinked and opened her own eyes. The brunette woke fast and sat up while clutching Kara’s arm tightly. 

 

“Oh my God Kara, you look like hell!”

 

The blonde blinked rapidly at her girlfriend, easing the pain in her eyes briefly before she spoke in a gravelly voice.

 

“I couldn’t fall asleep. I promised you I wouldn’t.”

 

Lena looked at her like she was insane.

 

“I was sleep deprived myself Kara, but I didn’t mean for you to sit here in obvious agony for God knows how long. I’m calling Alex, I need to get you to the DEO,” she finished, preparing to scramble off the bed for her phone.

 

Suddenly, a sharp pain lanced through Kara’s head and she gripped Lena’s hand tight so she couldn’t pull away.

 

“Don’t let go of me Lena,” she said hoarsely but with fierce determination. “I don’t know what will happen if you do.”

 

_Yes you do._

 

The blonde whipped her head around at the whispered words, but she couldn’t find the source anywhere in the room. 

 

“Kara?” Lena said warily

 

The blonde went to return her eyes to her girlfriend when another sharp pain hit her head causing her to wince and blink.

 

“Kara? Are you ok?” Lena asked, forcing the blonde to look at her.

 

The colours were starting to encroach in her eyes, and the blonde forced herself to calm down by listening to the brunette’s heartbeat and breath.

 

“Kara.”

 

The blonde’s eyes drifted from the brunette to the figure of her Zor EL that had appeared next to Lena’s shoulder. His eyes were also filled with worry.

 

“What’s happening to me?” She asked him groggily.

 

Her father frowned and Lena looked in the direction of the blonde’s gaze confused.

 

“I’ve already told you. You need to choose little one. Otherwise your mind-“

 

Kara cut him off.

 

“You keep saying that, but I still don’t understand. How is being able to see you and talk to you wrong? Why do I have to choose between two different parts of myself?”

 

“Kara…,” Lena interjected with heavy uncertainty. “Who are you talking to?”

 

The blonde squeezed Lena’s hand, but her eyes never left Zor El’s form.

 

“My father,” she answered simply, causing Lena’s eyes to expand rapidly in shock. “My father is here. And I’m asking him why I have to choose. He won’t give me a good reason.”

 

“Because you are going to cease to be Kara! If you continue down this path, your soul will be gone from this place and the next,” her father answered frustratingly. “You are going to destroy everything that you are, and for what?”

 

“FOR A CHANCE TO HAVE MY FAMILY! All of my family. With me, here.”

 

Her father didn’t respond, but another sad look crossed his face. 

 

Another lance of pain shot through Kara’s mind, but she still clung to Lena’s hand.

 

“Kara. Listen to me,” the CEO began soothingly like she was talking to a spooked horse. “Your father isn’t here, ok? You and me, that's all whose in this room.”

 

The blonde shook her head furiously in response.

 

“This is why I couldn’t say anything,” she said muttering before pointing an accusing finger in her father’s direction.

 

“They can’t understand because they can’t see it…BUT YOU ARE REAL! I know it! And I’m not letting you go! Not now… never again…”

 

A single tear trailed down her father’s face.

 

“Soon, little one. You won’t have a choice at all.”

 

The blonde felt a shaking hand touch the side of her cheek and her eyes snapped away from her father’s and into Lena’s.

 

The brunette’s face was etched with barely concealed panic.

 

“Kara, I need you to calm down. Your father isn’t here. He died, remember? He died when Krypton exploded.”

 

The hero suddenly felt furious.

 

“I KNOW HE’S DEAD LENA! But that doesn’t mean he’s not here. I can see him. I can talk to him. Did you want to know the truth? Ever since my coma… during my coma…. I saw him, and my mother. I saw these… these flashes. In the past and the present. I saw myself lying in that bed. And you were there, and Alex. And then I could speak to my parents. Like really speak to them. They made me make a choice… I had to make a choice…. But I don’t think…..” She finished her rant, drifting off.

 

“Kara, listen to me. Something is very wrong with you. I need you to listen to me. We need to go to the DEO, now. There has to be something they’ve found… something they can do. But I need you to stay awake for me, ok? Can you do that,”

 

The blonde rubbed her eyes with her free hand, her mind was getting fuzzy again.

 

“If I hold your hand… I think I can stay awake…. wait… What dd you say? No Lena, you don’t understand. I’m telling the truth! I told you I would tell you, and this is the truth!”

 

The brunette began to speak again, very slowly and calmly.

 

“Darling… your father isn’t here. Do you understand?”

 

The blonde shook her head and scoffed.

 

“Well I know you cant see him, but he’s right…..” Kara’s voice drifted off as she scanned the room. Zor EL had vanished.

 

“No, no, no,” she said panicking, her eyes darting from corner to corner. “No, he was right here! I saw him, I talked to him!”

 

Lena’s face grew pained.

 

“Kara… you need to relax-“

 

“No!” The blonde said, almost screaming. “You don’t understand, he was here! He said to me, that soon I wouldn’t have a choice at all…..” 

 

The blue-eyed hero drifted off, and her heart began to pound in her chest. 

 

No, she thought. 

 

He can’t leave.

 

_Kara….._

 

_Kara, let us go….._

 

A sudden blinding thought lanced through the blonde’s mind and she turned to face her distraught girlfriend’s face.

 

“I’ll come back. I promise,” she said.

 

Fear shot through the other woman’s gaze.

 

“What are you talking about? No, KARA!”

 

She let go of the CEO’s hand.

 

 

* * *

 

 

She wasn’t soaring.

 

Wasn’t flying.

 

And she couldn’t feel the earth beneath her feet.

 

She couldn’t feel anything.

 

And there were no colours.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed :)


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This little ficlet, is starting to draw to a close :)

_Night time delights_

 

_Wind through the leaves_

 

_And shadows made from shadows_

 

_Hearing heightened, smell sharpened_

 

_Beams of moonlight_

 

_Night time delights_

 

 

* * *

 

 

Where was she?

 

_Where am I?_

 

…nowhere

 

 

* * *

 

 

Everything was light. White light, and vast. 

 

It should hurt to look at, dizzying even. The eternal vastness of the place that had no up or down. They didn’t even know where they were. Who were they?

 

_Who am I?_

 

The question rolled around in their mind, but the lack of answer didn’t stress them. Instead, their thoughts drifted off into the white nothingness.

 

_What am I?_

 

They couldn’t see themselves. There was no way they could no the answer.

 

_Why am I here?_

 

They didn’t know. And that thought pained them. They felt something solid beneath their feet. They looked down. They could see themselves now. They had feet, and legs and a body. 

 

And hands. Soft, yet hard hands.

 

Her hands.

 

She blinked, and a pang of…something crossed her mind.

 

She knew now, she remembered.

 

She was a person, she could see herself.

 

She ran her hands up and over her… face?

 

A nose, and eyes and ears.

 

Hmmmm……

 

She was suddenly compelled to walk forward into the nothingness, she needed to do an action even if the action itself was futile.

 

_Why was it futile?_

 

Suddenly, she felt something against her foot. She looked down and saw she had walked into a picture that was laying on the ground.

 

_Who would leave a framed photo on the ground?_

 

A spiderweb of cracks ran across the front of the glass, she was careful when she picked it up. That’s when she noticed that the picture wasn’t a picture at all. It was a mirror.

 

She held it softly, and her face was reflected multiple times in the shattered panes.

 

She liked her face. It looked calm. She had nice eyes.

 

Green eyes.

 

_Green?_

 

She frowned. No, that wasn’t right. She had blue eyes, blue eyes like her father.

 

_She had a father?_

 

The thought of a parent quickly slipped from her mind, and she felt a calming urge to let go of the mirror and forget about it. But as she was placing it down, her thumb slipped and caught on an edge of the shattered mirror. 

 

A pain spread from it, and she held her hand out in shock as a pinprick of bright red blood grew before dropping to stain the pristine white that was everywhere. Suddenly, the place didn’t feel calm. It was starting to feel hostile.

 

Kara didn’t want to be here anymore.

 

_Kara?_

 

Kara. That was her name. She was Kara with the hurt thumb and the green eyes.

 

No…. no she didn’t have green eyes.

 

She had eyes like her father.

 

The landscape began to quake, Kara could feel the vibrations all around her.

 

Blue for her father.

 

Green….

 

Green was for…..

 

_Lena_

 

The white world went dark.

 

 

* * *

 

 

Thoughts raced, and everything collided.

 

Krypton.

 

Her father. Her mother. Her family.

 

Sunrises on a cliff. Paint on a canvas.

 

A large window overlooking a city.

 

Her mother’s smile, her father’s smile.

 

Then there was pain, terrible pain.

 

Flung into a void, where everything went dark.

 

Everything was dark for so long until it wasn’t.

 

Then the red was replaced with blues and greens.

 

Gentle smiles, and angry scowls.

 

Red hair.

 

Warmth. Loss. Sisterhood. Heartbreak.

 

Loss, gain, loss, gain.

 

Her family. Her new family.

 

The daughter of El.

 

Frustration.

 

Joy to fly. To live. To see the stars.

 

While so many had burned.

 

Alone, betrayed.

 

Family. The old family lost again because of the new.

 

Bonds strengthened, bonds forgotten.

 

New hope.

 

A smile. A sad smile.

 

Dark hair.

 

Green eyes.

 

Red lips.

 

Ice cream. Potstickers. Pizza. Kale.

 

Kale?

 

Laughter, joy, sadness.

 

Loss again. 

 

Remnants of the past. Rise.

 

Pain, so much pain.

 

Her father, mother, dying planet.

 

Leaving. Staying.

 

Night and day.

 

Flying. Remembering.

 

Family. Friends.

 

Drifting.

 

A hand in hers.

 

Stay.

 

I love you.

 

Stay.

 

Awake.

 

Love.

 

Fear.

 

Loneliness.

 

Love.

 

Work.

 

Hero.

 

Anger.

 

Love.

 

Choice.

 

Father, mother, planet, home.

 

Sister, friends, Lena….

 

Home.

 

The sense of home.

 

Old home.

 

New home.

 

Joy and loss.

 

Pain and happiness.

 

Two worlds, torn.

 

No worlds, torn.

 

Choice.

 

Choice.

 

Choice.

 

 

* * *

 

 

_What is worth more to you, in the fading light._

 

_To look behind, or look ahead._

 

* * *

 

 

Kara was back on her cliff face. The tree was still there, but the sun was setting. Darkness started to surround everything, except for the glow of the stars. She walked forward and ran her hands over the bark of the tree. The tree that shouldn’t exist here. Couldn’t exist here.

 

It didn’t belong here.

 

“Of course it belongs here,” a soft voice sounded from behind her. 

 

Kara turned and was stunned to see a gently smiling Lena walking towards her, the soil crunching beneath her shoes.

 

“Lena? But… you can’t-“

 

The dark-haired woman cut her off when she reached her, by pulling her into a blazing kiss that ran a fire from their joined lips and through her body. Lean broke the kiss, and colours danced in the blonde's eyes.

 

“Just wanted to say hello,” Lena said with a smirk before she traced a finger along the blonde’s face, the movement making Kara shudder.

 

“You’ve been gone a long time.”

 

The blonde felt a stab of panic as she looked brunette.

 

“What do you mean? No, no, no I can’t be gone for a long time. She’ll think… she’ll think I’ve left her. I promised to come back.”

 

Lena tilted her head in question.

 

“Promised who, darling?”

 

Kara paused in her panic, and her brain searched for an answer.

 

“I promised you.”

 

The brunette smiled in amusement.

 

“But I’m here, with you. There is nowhere else you have to go.”

 

Kara shook her head, a fog was starting to blanket her thoughts.

 

“No, no…. You’re not here. You’re awake. You’re back on Earth. Not in this place.”

 

Lena hummed before she began to circle the tree, her finger tracing along the bark.

 

“But I am here, aren’t I? Here, in this place. With you.”

 

The panic was starting to return.

 

“No, no, no,” Kara said, catching Lena and grabbing her shoulders.

 

“You can’t be here,” she pleaded. “Not it this place.”

 

Lena’s face saddened.

 

“Don’t you want me here?”

 

The blonde sighed in frustration.

 

“I want you, Lena. And I want you safe. I can’t…. I don’t know….”

 

Lena stared at her, before reaching up and cupping her cheek.

 

“Look at me, Kara,”

 

The blonde looked and almost lost herself in green eyes.

 

“Isn’t this what you want? Us to be together, here on Krypton.”

 

The blue-eyed woman began to cry softly.

 

“But it’s not real. I want it to be real. I want you, and I want my father. I want my mother. And I want Alex. I want everything I’ve lost. And I can have it, Lena. Maybe not all at once, but I can have it. I can fight for both, and I can win.”

 

Lena looked at her with sadness, and then an overwhelming amount of love poured from her and Kara felt it fill her to the brim.

 

“You are everything your parents could have dreamed of Kara. You’re brave and brilliant and smart. You’re kind and gentle. And you’re a hero. But you can’t win this. It’s not something the mind, any mind, can handle. The pull between reality and the ghost of one. This place is real,” Lena continued gesturing around her before placing a hand over Kara’s heart.

 

“But it’s not something you need to fight for to have with you. Because you carry it with you, right here. Your family, your home, your planet. It’s with you always. Stop trying to lose yourself in it, because all you will lose is yourself.”

 

Kara’s thoughts turned distraught.

 

“But why can I see them. It hurts to see them with me, and then to tell me I need to let them go. It feels like I’m killing them again. I miss them so much,” she said, sobbing into Lena’s shoulder while the brunette stroked her hair.

 

“You made a choice once, remember? You had a choice to stay in your new life or move onto the next one. You chose to stay,”

 

The blonde nodded into the other woman’s shirt.

 

“Do you regret it?”

 

Kara paused, lost for words. 

 

“I don’t know.”

 

Lena pulled away from her and stared into her eyes.

 

“You dream of a past life, a life you’ve lost. You wish for it back, but are you really ready for what that means? Stopping everything you have now… Everything you could have for the ghosts of the past? Why did you stay Kara?”

 

The blonde stared at her.

 

“For you, Lena,” she whispered.

 

The green-eyed woman shook her head and a wry smile graced her lips. The fogginess in the blonde’s mind grew and a fuzziness crept up into her vision. She was barely able to hear Lena’s final words.

 

“Why did you really stay?”

 

Kara felt a warmth grow in her heart. Thoughts of her friends, her family and her life flashing in her mind.

 

_I stayed for **me**._

 

 

* * *

 

 

_Daytime delights, chase night time’s shadows_

 

_Light for dark_

 

_Song for silence._

 

_Daytime delights_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed!


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoy :)

“I told you not to take her home.”

 

“What were we going to do Alex? Just leave her here? Nothing was changing anyway. For weeks nothing changed.”

 

“She could have been monitored here. Now she’s woken up, apparently had some sort of psychotic break before falling back into a fucking coma.”

 

“How much do we even know about what happened to her last time Alex? How much do you know. All she ever says is she can’t remember, but ever since it happened… It changed her.”

 

“Well, of course it changed her! She was near death!”

 

“Exactly! And we still don’t know why that happened. How her body started to die, or how she suddenly came back! These last few months… the trouble sleeping, the spacing out, the anger, flashes…. Now she’s falling back in and out of coma’s?”

 

“There was always going to be a big unknown question mark put on what happened last time Lena. How could we possibly know what happened when it had never happened to anyone else? And she didn’t remember-“

 

“She’s lying. Kara remembers something, but she’s just not telling us. I think it has something to do with her father. You weren’t there Alex. She was talking to him like he was standing there with us!”

 

“So she’s sick-“

 

“Or she’s losing her grip on reality. Last time… last time she heard what I was saying to her. When she woke up, the first thing she did was repeat back to me something I had just said.”

 

“There have been plenty of stories of coma patients coming back after hearing the sound of a loved one’s voice-“

 

“But it isn’t just that Alex. She was inching closer to death, but she could still hear me? What if she was in some sort of… in-between place. In her mind or…. in a metaphysical plane? Maybe that’s why she can see her father?”

 

“Lena. You’re exhausted-“

 

“I’m not just grasping at straws here Alex. This could be real!”

 

“Do you even hear yourself right now? Metaphysical planes and what, speaking with the dead?”

 

“Then what’s your theory, Agent Danvers?”

 

“….we can’t rule out the possibility that the first time after her fight with Reign, she sustained brain damage.”

 

“Oh come on Alex, you tested for that!”

 

“Lena, none of this makes any sense. It’s the only logical solution I can think of!”

 

“Aliens, meta-humans, sorcery… All these things have been proven to exist somewhere in the multiverse. Time travelling ships, and superheroes. Vigilantes and parallel Earths where my brother is Superman and you think it ‘isn’t logical’ to consider the possibility that Kara could actually be conversing with her father? Nothing has ever been logical relating to Kara.”

 

“…none of this matters anyway Lena. Unless she wakes up. And we’re no closer to finding a solution to that either.”

 

“She woke up before. And she promised she would again.”

 

“Lena…”

 

“I think she’s losing control of it though. Like she has to fight not to be pulled under.”

 

“Lena…”

 

“We just have to keep her awake long enough next time to help her-“

 

“LENA!”

 

“What? What do want me to do? Nothing? I did that last time, remember? I sat here helpless and there was nothing I could do as I saw her drift further towards death. I can’t do that again Alex, I can’t.”

 

“….If your theory is right, the last time she woke up when she heard your voice. Maybe she can hear you now.”

 

“You think I should talk to her?”

 

“I think, in this universe… multiverse… whatever! You’re right, anything is possible.”

 

* * *

 

_Kara………_

 

_Wake up, Kara…….._

 

_You have so much left to live for_

 

* * *

 

This scene was becoming far too familiar. 

 

Standing, hovering over her own prone body lying on a medical gurney at the DEO. Except for this time, she wasn’t breathing through a tube which she took as a positive sign. 

 

Still…. she looked so small.

 

And weak.

 

Lena was sitting next to her body, holding vigil again.

 

Kara felt a wave of guilt wash over her, and she whispered to herself in anger.

 

“What am I doing?”

 

A familiar laugh sounded out from behind her, and she turned to see her aunt Astra leaning against the door frame with a wry smile on her lips.

 

“You know,” she said walking until she stood next to her, also staring down at Kara’s prone form. “I’ve been asking that question for a long time.”

 

“Aunt Astra?” Kara asked incredulously.

 

The other woman smirked.

 

“In the flesh.”

 

Kara grimaced, before scowling.

 

“Why are you doing this to me?” She hissed back.

 

“You’re playing with everything. In my mind. I see you now, mother and father. In my dreams and in my reality. You’re teasing me with your presence and your love, and yet you still expect me to make a choice to drive you all away. If you don’t want me to follow you, why can’t you just stop appearing, huh?”

 

Astra let out a sigh before she moved to sit in the empty chair next to the oblivious Lena.

 

“We told you. You’re the one holding us here. It’s your choice to let us go. Only you have that power.”

 

“But why,” she pleaded. “Why is this happening to me? Why do I have to relive the pain of it again and again? When I can see and hear you now? I already made the choice to back didn’t I?”

 

“But you regret it.”

 

“Well of course I do! I mean… I don’t regret not dying, because I love my family here, my friends… Lena. I couldn’t leave them. So I decided to stay. Because I loved her.”

 

“Ahh,” her aunt said shaking her head. “But that was the problem, wasn’t it? The choice you made to stay, wasn’t because you couldn’t bear the thought of losing the ones you love. It was because you didn’t want them to carry the burden of losing you.”

 

Kara shook her head furiously.

 

“That is not true. I love my family. I love my friends. I love Lena. I came back-“

 

“Because you couldn’t leave without telling her you loved her too. Well, now you’ve told her. So what’s the problem.”

 

The blonde gapped at her aunt, before turning her eyes to her brunette girlfriend. Lena was staring at Kara’s body with desperation in her eyes, and the hero was about to reply to her father when the CEO suddenly spoke, cutting her off.

 

“I don’t really know if this will work. Maybe I am just grasping at random possibilities. I’ve never been… a spiritual person. I’ve always thought that when you’re dead, you’re dead. There’s nothing left. I don’t really know when you saw your father if he was actually there, or if you were hallucinating. But… For your sake, I hope he still exists somewhere. That there is a place where he lives on, where you can see him. And your mother. Everyone you’ve lost. The whole world that you lost.”

 

Lena’s voice trailed off sadly before she spoke again.

 

“I don’t know, maybe Alex is right and you have brain damage. Maybe I’m right. Maybe neither of us are. I don’t really care Kara, I just want you to wake up. But mostly, I just want you to be happy. That’s all I’ve ever wanted. I promise I will do everything in my power to make you happy. For the rest of my life… and into the beyond if it does exist.”

 

The CEO reached into her pocket.

 

“I got this for you. It’s…. well, I thought it would remind you of your home. Of Krypton.”

 

Lena opened her hand to reveal a bracelet, and if Kara wasn’t divorced from her body her heart would have stopped, she was sure.

 

The green-eyed woman blinked at the band and smiled briefly, before fiddling with it and placing it on Kara’s wrist.

 

“A perfect fit,” she hummed before the joy in her voice fell slightly.

 

“Well… I mean, if that’s what you want. I mean, I hope it’s what you want. Not that you should feel pressured or anything! Dear God… you’re unconscious and probably can’t even hear me… But if you can… Well… I guess I’m asking…”

 

“Rao,” Astra said amusedly. “She rambles worse than you.”

 

Lena bit her lip nervously, before whispering out.

 

“Will you marry me?”

 

This time, the monitor tacking Kara’s heart did spike.

 

Lena looked at in shock, and the blonde hero opened her mouth to reply but before she could say anything, the room grew fuzzy and the reality was ripped out from beneath her.

 

* * *

 

For the first time, since she first visited this place Kara was furious.

 

She rounded on the figure of her aunt who was staring over the cliff at the, in Kara’s mind, the sun that was always setting. 

 

“What did you do that for!”

 

The woman shrugged slightly.

 

“It wasn’t like you could answer her anyway. She wouldn’t have heard you.”

 

“I could’ve woken up!”

 

“And told her what exactly? No, actually. I can’t marry you. I’m in a committed relationship with not moving forward with my life. Or maybe yes, but you’ll have to be ok with me randomly losing consciousness. All this meaning nothing of course, because if you continue down this path you will go to a place you can’t come back from. You will lose yourself completely.”

 

“I’ve been there,” Kara said indignantly. “I’ve seen that place, and I could leave. I did leave.”

 

Astra rounded on her, furious.

 

“You foolish child. You are given the gift of choice not once, but twice and you managed to return from a place no one can return from and still you squander it.”

 

Kara began to feel a pain in her head.

 

“You waste the gift of life. Maybe you don’t deserve it.”

 

“What are you saying?” The blonde gasped out.

 

Her aunt leaned forward and touched a finger to the blonde’s shoulder that made it burn in agony.

 

_The choice is made._

 

* * *

 

_Violent Ends_

 

_Start with peaceful beginnings_

 

_Only to have violent ends_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you think :)


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the sporadic updates peeps, but not long now before this journey draws to a close.

Lena’s life was far from ordinary. She highly doubted many people could claim to be an adopted, product of an affair, billionaire CEO. As well as the only member of a family that wasn’t a psychopath… hopefully. But, the cherry on top of it all probably came from having an alien as a girlfriend.

 

An alien superhero called Supergirl who also happened to be the cousin of her brother’s nemesis, and was affiliated with a black ops government agency. 

 

She not only fought evil aliens, metahumans and Lena’s family, she travelled in between earths to do it throughout the multiverse. 

 

So given Lena’s less than ordinary life, it was understandable that she was open to pretty much anything being possible.

 

Still, even her stressed out, slightly sleep deprived and panicked brain thought that her guess as to why Kara was having delusional spells and blackouts, was a slight stretch.

 

Her girlfriend was in the metaphysical plane.

 

As insane as that was, even for them, at least it beat the unknown. The idea that they knew nothing at all…. 

 

Still, as she sat beside her comatose girlfriend, all the theories in the world couldn’t chase away her feelings of helplessness. There had to be something she could do.

 

This wasn’t the first time Kara had been stuck in a coma. The second time obviously being after her fight with Reign, and the first was when…

 

Lena’s eyes suddenly widened, and she stood up fast.

 

“ALEX!”

 

* * *

 

 

A slew of equipment was lay next to the small group. Alex was fiddling with an instrument, while Winn adjusted some monitors. Meanwhile, J’onn was arguing with Lena about her plan to enter Kara’s consciousness. 

 

“Lena, this wouldn’t be like with the Black Mercy. In that case, Alex was only entering a dreamscape that the parasite had created. You are talking about entering her subconsciousness! You are only human Lena, and even I wouldn’t risk this. Your mind could quickly become overwhelmed and you could kill yourself and Kara. This is not the way.”

 

Lena ran a frustrated hand down her face.

 

“And what else do you suggest we do J’onn? Sit here and bite our nails? I have to do this, to see if I can reach her… wherever she is.”

 

J’onn’s reply was cut off by Alex’s soft muttering.

 

“It’s ready.”

 

Lena didn’t hesitate and turned towards the redhead, but wasn’t given the opportunity to speak when suddenly the monitor tracking Kara’s brain waves went flat, and the heart monitor stopped. 

 

A stunned silence seemed to stretch for eternity, before Alex jumped into action, shouting for all available medics while she rushed to her sister's side. Lena began to panic, but was pulled from the room along with Winn. She fought the iron grip that pulled her further away from Kara’s now not breathing form, and cried out to go back.

 

“No, NO! Kara! Let go of me! I need to be in there. Kara!” She screamed as a slew of stressed nurses ran towards the med bay, blocking Lena’s view of her girlfriend.

 

“Lena, you need to calm down,” J’onn’s deep voice said soothingly in her ear. “You have to let our people do their jobs.

 

Lena continued to fight against his tight grip, crying to be let go and inconsolable. 

 

The last thing she saw was Winn’s terrified and tearstreaked face before a brief pain flared from her neck, and she slipped into sleep.

 

* * *

 

Lena woke up feeling like hell, and with a pounding headache. She blinked at the harsh fluorescent lights and moaned as her back cracked sitting up. The CEO looked around to get her bearings and was surprised to find that she wasn’t in the medical bay, and was instead placed on a fold out cot in the hallway. The usual murmur of voices in the DEO hub wasn’t present, in fact, there seemed to be a deathly silence as agents sat grimly at their monitors.

 

J’onn moved softly, from his vigil at her side and placed a gentle hand on her shoulder.

 

“Easy there,” he said softly, before handing her a glass of water for her parched throat which she took gratefully and gulped down.

 

She released another groan afterwards and handed him back the empty glass.

 

“What happened?” She asked confusedly.

 

J’onn gave her a sorrowful look, his eyes welling with tears.

 

“Lena……”

 

The green-eyed woman noticed his pause and struggled to think for a moment before the memories of what had occurred before her unconsciousness flooded back.

 

She tried to stand, but J’onn quickly held her shoulder down.

 

“J’onn, what did you do to me? Where’s Kara? I have to see Kara.” She proclaimed with increasing panic.

 

The director hesitated again but took a deep breath.

 

“Lena… I need you to brace yourself. We had to knock you out, you were becoming hysterical. While you were under…. Kara flatlined. They managed to get her heart beating again… but she doesn’t have any brain activity. And she isn’t breathing on her own. Lena… for all intents and purposes… Kara is brain dead.”

 

The CEO went numb, and J’onn looked at her worriedly even while tears fell down his own face.

 

“Lena? Lena… did you hear what I said?”

 

The pale didn’t speak but merely nodded mutely and with a blank look on her face. The director clearly began to struggle for words for a few minutes, before he spoke again.

 

“Obviously we wanted to wait until you had a chance to… But Alex and Eliza agree that Kara would want to be let go… Last time, her mind was still functioning even if it was slow. This…. she’s already dead Lena.”

The brunette woman stood up suddenly.

 

“I need to see her,” she whispered, holding back her own sobs.

 

J’onn looked at her warily, before standing himself.

 

“Lena… she’s gone. I know you will want to say goodbye-“

 

“I need to see her,” the other woman repeated, flatly this time, before she began to stride towards the infirmary.

 

“Lena, wait-“ J’onn repeated worriedly as she turned the corner, to find a pale and broken Alex standing with Clark and a windswept and equally exhausted looking Eliza. The trio looked up when she came into view, and the brunette woman was suddenly swept into a powerful hug by Alex. She remained rigid and speechless, even after the redhead had pulled away in tears.

 

“I’m so sorry Lena… I couldn’t… I couldn’t,” she stumbled, choking on her own words. 

 

Eliza placed a comforting hand on her daughter’s shoulder, even as her own face twisted in pain.

 

“It wasn’t your fault Alex. You couldn’t have done anything else. No one could’ve.”

 

A silence fell over the group, and a few seconds passed before Clark spoke in a soft voice.

 

“Lena… Lena?” He questioned.

 

The use of her first name falling from the lips of a man who had always looked at her with mistrust, finally shook the green-eyed lady from her quiet, even though she responded in a dead voice.

 

“I need to see her,” she said plainly, and with a cold face. 

 

She pushed past the uncertain group and into the medbay room, closing the door behind her and onto the three’s worried faces. Lena finally let out a shudder, before bracing herself and turning around.

 

Kara’s body was laying as motionless as it had been this morning. Only this time, Lena bitterly thought, she was gone.

 

Her Kara was gone.

 

And this was all that was left.

 

She stumbled her way over to the bed before gripping her girlfriend’s hands tightly in her own and breaking down into angry, heart-wrenching sobs.

 

“You promised me you’d come back. You promised.”

 

Of course, Kara didn’t answer. Except in the form of steady breaths, that yet another tube down her throat provided. Lena slumped in the chair she had vacated far too often and became completely lost for words. The barrage of emotions was assaulting her thinking process, but one continuously came to the top of her mind.

 

_This isn’t real. This can’t be real._

 

A few weeks ago, she was sitting in her office gently inscribing Kara’s family motto on the bracelet she had made. Nervously trying to anticipate the perfect moment to ask the blonde to marry her. 

 

And now….

 

And now Kara was brain dead. A machine pumping air into her lungs, and an unanswered question literally hanging from her wrist. 

 

A question Lena would never get an answer to because Lena would never hear the blonde’s voice again.

 

The numbness was creeping back, clenching her heart and choking the air from her lungs.

 

_This can’t be happening. This isn’t real._

 

Her eyes strayed from Kara’s limp form and drifted over the room. Taking in the array of medical equipment and machines. And lying on the bed next to them, forgotten in the madness but still set up, the monitor that Winn jerry-rigged so that Lena could enter the blonde’s consciousness.

 

A crazy idea ran through her mind.

 

Kara was brain dead, it was too late.

 

But she didn’t care.

 

Lena quickly pulled the tangle of wires and buttons and probes towards her, setting them quickly and she hoped correctly, over Kara’s and her head. She did so as quietly as she could, nervously glancing towards the door and hoping nobody came to look into the room.

 

The CEO had just finished placing the last sensor to the corner of her forehead when her eyes went wide as Alex entered.

 

“Lena, are you-“

 

The redhead cut herself off, and her eyes grew panicked. She began to rush towards her.

 

“NO, LENA DON’T!”

 

Lena pressed the button.

 

 

* * *

 

 

_Scream and cry, you’ll die just the same_

 

 

 

She was confused again.

 

Light and dark at the same time.

 

Where was she?

 

What was this place?

 

 

** _Float away, float away_ **

 

 

What was that voice?

 

Was that a child’s voice?

 

 

** _You won’t find me, I’ve gone towards peace_ **

 

 

A world began to form.

 

A dark, dark world.

 

There were shapes and in the corner

 

A girl?

 

A blonde girl.

 

Chanting poetic rhymes.

 

 

** _Let me be free, you won’t find me._ **

 

 

She began to walk towards the voice.

 

Towards the girl that was facing away from her.

 

She reached her and stood over her shoulder.

 

 

**_You can’t take me, let me be free_ **

 

 

She placed a hand on the girl’s shoulder, and the small figure spun around in shock.

 

Lena stepped back in surprise at the sight of the wide blue eyes looking up at her.

 

Kara?

 

The little girl’s mouth gapped and spoke with a voice far too old for her form.

 

 

** _How did you find… how did you find…_ **

 

 

Lena wanted to rush forward.

 

But she was held in place, and the girl began to drift away with terror in her eyes.

 

 

** _You should flee, you should flee_ **

 

** _But I can’t help ask, that you don’t leave me._ **

 

 

I promise Lena thought.

 

The young Kara smiled.

 

But the world went black.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you liked, let me know :)


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One more chapter to go!

She was… flying?

 

Dark. Night. Day. Light.

 

Green. Red.

 

So much red.

 

Blue. Wind. Trees.

 

Birds.

 

Sunrises.

 

Water.

 

Breathing.

 

Stars.

 

Ice. Earth. Cold.

 

Found. Warmth. Laughter.

 

Home. Lost. Home. Lost.

 

Found. Found. Found

 

* * *

 

** _Lena……._ **

 

_ Kara? _

 

* * *

 

She opened her eyes, her head was pounding against her skull and everything hurt. 

 

The light hurt.

 

As her eyes adjusted, she found herself in a strange place. Somewhere she’d never been before. Lena knew this because there was a giant red sun rising in the distance. 

 

Was this… Krypton?

 

The CEO felt a wave of nausea, and she braced herself against the tree she was standing next to.

 

Wait…. why was there an earth tree on the edge of a cliff on Krypton?

 

It must be because wherever they were, it was a creation of Kara’s mind. A place made for her or designed by here.

 

It couldn’t be real.

 

Could it?

 

Her thoughts were interrupted when she spotted a despondent looking man, sitting at the edge of the cliff. She slowly walked towards him, the pain in her head slowly dissipating.

 

“Uhhh… hello?”

 

The man turned startled and looked at her with surprise and his mouth dropped slightly.

 

He looked familiar somehow, but she couldn’t place where she knew him from.

 

“Errr… I realise this might be a bit weird… But do you happen to know where I might find Kara Danvers? Oh, ummmm… Kara Zor El?”

 

The man continued to stare at her in shock.

 

“Lena?”

 

It was her turn to be surprised, and she shifted unsteadily on her feet.

 

“Do I know you? What am I saying? If we’re in Kara’s head or a reality created by her or accused by her, then it would make perfect sense that you know who I am.”

 

The man took a step forward, his brow creasing.

 

“What are you doing here Lena? What did you do!?”

 

The brunette stepped back as the man advanced, his face furious.

 

“Ok, I really don’t know what’s going on here… I just have to remember that this isn’t real.”  


The man stopped his advance and suddenly released an exasperated laugh.

 

“If this isn’t real, or you didn’t believe it to be real, why are you here. What are you doing here?”

 

Lena frowned and rubbed her head as a sharp pain pierced it. 

 

The man frowned at the gesture but the brunette spoke, oblivious.

 

“I’m…. I’m Lena Luthor. I’m here because… because of my girlfriend-“

 

“Because Kara has been falling in and out of consciousness. Sometimes involuntarily and sometimes voluntarily. She appears to be having hallucinations, talking to people who aren’t there. But now… now she appears to have lost all brain activity.”

 

The green-eyed woman looked at the grim-faced man and came to a realisation about who he was.

 

“You’re Kara’s father aren’t you? Zor El.”

 

The man smiled sadly and sighed softly. His eyes, eyes exactly like Kara’s, glazed over slightly as he studied her with fond scrutiny.

 

“You came here because you think you can still save her didn’t you?”

 

Lena’s words choked in her throat, so she responded with a nod.

 

Zor El seemed to realise because his eyes softened with sympathy and he placed a gentle hand on her elbow.

 

“I’ve always wanted to talk to you, you know. She doesn’t talk about you that much with me… she likes to talk about Krypton. To learn all the things she didn’t get a chance to before it was destroyed. To learn about me, her mother, and our family. The House of El. And the fall of our planet due to our pride. But sometimes, when she lets me breathe, ”

 

Zor El smiled softly, and the corners of his mouth twitched.

 

“I ask her about you.”

 

Lena felt a flash of fear, and then instantly felt stupid.

 

Why was she getting nervous about whether a dead man approved of her?

 

Because he may be dead, but he’s still here now. And she knew that Kara thought the world of him.

 

And when else would she get another chance to make a good impression on her girlfriend’s (intended fiancée’s?) father.

 

“Oh? What did she say?”

 

The other man grinned widely.

 

“Worried are you? You shouldn’t be. My daughter is clearly infatuated.”

 

The warm glow in Lena’s chest rose and then faded just as fast. Her face fell, and she turned to look at the alien horizon.

 

“It doesn’t always feel like it.”

 

Zor El remained quiet before he walked over to the edge of the cliff and sat down, gesturing for her to join him. Once she’d settled on the earth, and another few seconds had passed he finally began to speak.

 

“When Kara was young, maybe eight or nine, there was a young couple who wanted to marry. But the Matricomp forbid it. If the Matricomp forbids a match, a couple cannot be married no matter how much they love each other. The should have parted ways, like our society and their families demanded, but they didn’t. They ran away together, they left everything behind. There culture, their lives. Just so they could be together.”

 

Lena found herself enticed by the man’s story.

 

“What happened?”

 

Zor El smiled bitterly.

 

“They were caught and they were tried for treason.”

 

Lena blanched.

 

“Our culture and our ways were far from perfect, no matter how much we liked to believe it. Our rules were rigid, and we were forced to stay on the path we were designated for. But as a child, Kara didn’t see this side of Krypton. And when it died, she immortalised us. In some ways, her views have been challenged since she has been on Earth. First with her mother and her aunt, then later with my virus…”

 

“Medusa,” Lena said nodding. “I remember.”

 

He frowned and traced the El family’s crest in the dirt beside him.

 

“So when she was a child, and she learned about the young couple that defied our laws, she couldn’t understand it. Kara couldn’t understand why someone if they had that choice, would give up Krypton. Give up their home and their culture, and maybe give up the chance to ever see it again. How could anyone love one person enough to give up their home, their culture, their planet?”

 

Zor El looked at her sharply.

 

“You know how I know, with all of my heart, that she loves you? Because the girl who could never imagine doing that… she did that for you. She made a choice last time. When she was stuck here, in this in-between place, she was almost ready to leave. But she couldn’t leave you.”

 

Lena’s eyes filled with tears.

 

“If that’s true… why is she leaving me now?”

 

He gave her a sad smile, before catching one of her tears as it fell.

 

“Oh, little one…. don’t cry. She didn’t want to leave you. Kara chose to leave, and she was prepared to let go of everything… but then she found out she still had a connection to this place. She took advantage of it. Kara thought she could have everything she wanted.”

 

The brunette huffed, confused and uncertain. 

 

Another pang hit her head.

 

“But what is this place? Why is Kara here? Why am I here? Where can I find her? I just want her to come home. I want her…. I want…. I….”

 

She trailed off, and more tears began to fall.

 

Lena turned to look at the Kryptonian man, her eyes pleading.

 

“I want her to be happy. Would she…. would she be happy if I let her go? I don’t… is she even… can I even get her back.”

 

Zor El pulled her into a one-armed hug. She froze briefly, before melting into his warmth. Lena couldn’t help the unfamiliar feeling of contentment that came over her.

 

“You risked your life to get her back, didn’t you? You somehow entered the consciousness of someone, who for all intents and purposes is brain dead. And yet, here you are. On the metaphysical plane that Kara created. Kara, however far she is gone from you, allowed you to enter this place. Something like that can only be because, in the depths of her soul, it is engrained in my daughter to love you.”

 

The man let her go and gripped her hand tight.

 

“Trust me, my daughter doesn’t want you to let her go.”

 

Zor El’s face grew worried.

 

“But you don’t have much time. She is only drifting further away, and the longer you stay here, the more at risk you are of losing yourself too. This place wasn’t made for mortals to exist in forever. If you want to find and save her, you’ll have to do it fast.”

 

Lena hesitated, before nodding fiercely.

 

“I understand.”

 

He stared at her steadily.

 

“It won’t be easy.”

 

She stood firm.

 

“I can do it.”

 

He smiled at her and pulled her with him as he stood. Zor El looked down at her gently, before pulling her into another gentle hug.

 

“For whatever it’s worth, I don’t think my daughter could have found anyone more worthy to love her than you. You truly are a gift to the universe, and Kara was blessed to have found you.”

 

Lena blushed hard.

 

“What do I do now?” She asked.

 

The man smiled, before leaning down and placing a gentle kiss on her head that burnt warm.

 

_Believe in yourself. Believe in your love. Believe in her._

 

* * *

 

 

God, her head hurt.

 

The worlds were crashing together fast.

 

She saw things she couldn’t remember ever seeing before.

 

It was all so fast.

 

But she knew who everyone was. Who everyone was. What everything was.

 

Alura. Zor. Astra. Nod. Jor. Lana. Kal. Alex. Eliza. Jeremiah. Jonn. Winn. James. Lucy. Lois. Cat.

 

Every feeling, every thought Kara had ever had, she felt.

 

She felt, she physically felt, the pain of losing Krypton. 

 

As if it were her own. 

 

But it was her own, because she was no longer Lena.

 

She was Kara too now.

 

Her birthmother dying.

 

Astra teaching her how to fly her first pod.

 

Seeing Clark as a newborn.

 

Lex building a robot with her.

 

Lillian’s taunts.

 

Superman leaving her at the Danvers.

 

Alex taking her surfing.

 

Taking over L-Corp.

 

Becoming Supergirl.

 

Meeting Kara.

 

Meeting Lena.

 

* * *

 

_I love you._

 

_Find me, dear heart._

 

_Find me._

 

_I love you._

 

* * *

 

She was back on Earth now. 

 

In her office.

 

Why was she in her office?

 

Suddenly, her secretaries voice sounded out over the intercom.

 

“Ms Luthor? A Ms Danvers from CatCo Magazine is here to conduct her interview.”

 

The door to her office opened and Lena stood fast, pressing down her skirt. But instead of the bright-eyed, bouncy stepped journalist she first fell in love with, a grim-faced woman without glasses entered.

 

Lena raised her eyebrows in shock.

 

“Kara?”

 

Her not-girlfriend frowned and gave her a cold look.

 

“I would prefer it if you called me Ms Danvers, Ms Luthor,” she bit out sharply.

 

The green-eyed woman’s eyes widened. Her Kara had never talked to her like that. 

 

Not even when they first met, and the blonde didn’t know anything about her apart from the fact that Lena’s brother was a madman who had tried to kill her cousin. 

 

“If you don’t mind,” Kara continued in her caustic tone. “I’d like to move along with this interview.”

 

“Oh, uhhhh… of course,” Lena replied awkwardly, gesturing for the other woman to have a seat while her mind scrambled for a course of action.

 

The journalist sat stiffly and quickly turned on her phone to record before fixing Lena with a hard glare.

 

“Ms Luthor, do you have any comments on your brother’s anti-alien initiative?”

 

Lex had an anti-alien initiative? What was this place?

 

Kara was still waiting for a response, and Lena coughed awkwardly.

 

“Uhhhhh… you’re going to have to be a little more specific.” 

 

The blonde narrowed her eyes.

 

“Don’t play stupid Ms Luthor. You can’t avoid these questions forever. Ever since your brother named you CEO of Luthor Corp and became President, you have refused to give a straight answer regarding whether or not you agree with his anti-alien policies.”

 

She must still have looked baffled because Kara nearly began to growl.

 

“The rumours of alien kidnappings supported by our government, allowing a shoot on site policy if an alien is suspected of committing a crime… any crime!” She said, listing them out on her fingers and with an angry face.

 

“A coluan boy was shot dead last week, for throwing stones at a police car! Do you, and Luthor Corp by extension, condone these actions.”

 

Lena felt sick at the twisted nightmare she seemed to be a part of.

 

“Of course not! That’s despicable. I would never condone that.”

 

Kara gave her a look of disgust.

 

“Do you take me for a fool, Ms Luthor? Ever since the death of Superman, Luthor Corp has been implicated in over a dozen of cases regarding police corruption. You’re buying off the law, providing them weapons, and promoting brutality against our alien citizens. Legal and illegal.”

 

Lena frowned and her face clouded with anger.

 

“…I didn’t know.”

 

Kara looked at her with disgust.

 

“You’re either a liar or an idiot then.”

 

Lena knew it wasn’t real, but being talked to with such contempt made the hairs rise on the back of her neck.

 

“You need to listen to me, Kara. This isn’t real! This is all in your head! Superman isn’t dead. Lex is behind bars! You and me, we’re together. This isn’t real.”

 

The other woman frowned at her again, but paused before she spoke.

 

“Ms Luthor, I don’t know what game you’re playing-“

 

Lena slammed her hand down on her desk.

 

“Kara, I’m not playing a game! This isn’t real!”

 

The other woman went to stand.

 

“That’s it. I’ve had enough.”

 

The brunette stood fast, slightly panicked and moved to grab the blonde’s elbow. Kara dodged her hand easily and gave her a look filled with warning.

 

“I don’t care who you are Ms Luthor. If you try to-“

 

“Kara!” Lena said pleadingly and with desperation in her eyes.

 

She ran her fingers through her hair quickly, before a flash of inspiration hit her.

 

“Kara. I know things. Things I’d only know if I was telling the truth!”

 

The blonde huffed and turned to leave.

 

“I know things, Kara! I know your real name is Kara Zor El, and you’re from a planet called Krypton. Just like-“

 

She was suddenly cut off by a tight hand around her throat, and she was picked up off the floor and slammed against the wall. Lena scrabbled at the iron fingers tightening grip as she struggled for air.

 

“How do you know about me!?” Kara demanded, her eyes flashing red.

 

“Be….cause… I’m….. tell..ing…th…e…truth!”

 

The grip tightened.

 

Lena kept trying to futilely break the other woman’s grip and locked her panicked eyes with Kara’s. 

 

She felt a wave of calm cross her suddenly.

 

_Believe in yourself. Believe in her._

 

“Ka…..ra…..” She wheezed, before lifting her hand with the last of her strength and touching the side of the blonde’s face. 

 

The taller woman’s eyes flashed once again before they became slightly confused.

 

“Ka…ra…..I…. love…. you…..”

 

The confusion grew, before a flash of recognition and Lena was suddenly dropped. She hit the floor with a thump and gasped for air.

 

“…Lena?” 

 

The brunette turned her eyes to look up at the blonde woman. Kara’s features flitted between angry, confused, scared and panicked. They locked eyes, and then they instantly clapped their hands over their heads as a sharp pain dug in.

 

“Lena…,” Kara whined, her voice becoming childlike and her eyes scared.

 

“Don’t leave me.”

 

The walls grew fuzzy.

 

_Don’t leave me._

 

* * *

 

Blue. Green. Red.

 

Land. Sky. Space.

 

Death. Life.

 

* * *

 

_Kara… where are you?_

 

**_Lena?_**

 

_I’ll find you. I promise I’ll find you._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed :)


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alas, we have reached the end of this mini fic. I hope you all enjoyed, but let me know in the comments below :)

When Kara opened her eyes, she was in the middle of her apartment. 

 

The middle of her old apartment that is. 

 

It felt.... comforting for some reason to see all her things placed of and about. 

 

And empty pizza box, sitting on the countertop.

 

A glass of unfinished wine on the coffee table.

 

A pair of heels by the door.

 

She furrowed her brow in confusion, and walked towards the pair and knelt down to inspect them.

 

Kara didn’t wear heels.

 

Who could they belong to? 

 

Just as the thought entered her brain, there was a sudden knock on the door. The blonde opened it hesitantly to reveal a soaked and dripping brunette standing on the other side. 

 

She blinked, taking in the drowned cat look but still admiring the tired woman’s beautifully green eyes.

 

“Ermmmm..... can I help you?”

 

The shorter woman looked at her with a mixture of annoyance, determination and frustration. She pushed her way past Kara, and into the apartment.

 

“I’ve just come back from diving in to rescue you at sea, so yes. You can help me.”

 

Kara knew she should be protesting the woman’s presence, and odd statement, but she didn’t.

Instead, she searched for a towel in the nearby closet and handed it to the other woman in silence. The green-eyed lady took it with a hint of surprise in her eyes but murmured her quiet thanks.

 

The blonde started to feel the hint of something niggling at the corner of her mind, but a sudden sharp burst of pain replaced it and she sat down on the couch with a wince.

 

“I must say, I’ve been through about thirty of these scenarios and this is the first time you haven’t looked at me like I murdered your whole family.”

 

“No,” Kara replied distractedly. “My family died on Krypton.... except for Kal El. And I have my adopted family now, Eliza and my sister.... and I have.....” 

 

A headache came back harder, and Kara blanched before looking at The green-eyed woman with wide eyes.

 

“Why did I just tell you that?”

 

The other woman took a seat next to Kara and her face grew excited and desperate.

 

“Kara, it’s me!”

 

The blonde moved away from the brunettes our stretched hand. The throbbing in her head made it feel like her mind was about to burst open.

 

“I don’t know you.....”

 

The other woman’s face became frustrated.

 

“Yes you do Kara.”

 

The blonde blinked, her panic reaching new heights. 

 

“How do you know my name?”

 

The other woman sighed and ran a hand through her drenched locks.

 

“Because..... because I love you. I love you Kara”

 

 

 

_A flash of a memory._

 

_The woman in front of her, by her side. Machines beeping._

 

_A bracelet on her wrist._

 

_Lena…_

 

_A flash of colours. A puff of wind._

 

_Flowers filling her office._

 

_A red-lipped smile._

 

_Falling…. falling…._

 

_I know that there has been so much pain in your life… that’s probably why you were so understanding about mine. And I’m not arrogant enough to think I can fix it, but….. I love you so much, I know that now. I’m sorry it took me so long to figure it out. And I don’t care if you don’t want to be Supergirl anymore. I don’t care if you don’t love me back or if you never want to see me again. I don’t care if I have to give up my name, my company. Anything you want me to do I will. I’ll do whatever you want. Just please stay. You’re my home Kara, I don’t care about anything else. I know that now. I will do anything if you stay._

 

_Lena…_

 

 

 

Her fiancée

 

Kara’s eyes widened as the memories crashed over, and her headache suddenly disappeared.

 

She hurled herself into the brunette’s arms and gripped her tightly, afraid the other woman would disappear.

 

“Rao… Lena…” she said breathily.

 

The blonde felt the other woman’s arms snake around her waist and returned her tight embrace.

 

The green-eyed woman’s body suddenly started to shudder, and she started to sob.

 

“I thought I lost you completely….”

 

She pulled away suddenly, and her expression turned fierce.

 

“How could you do this to me? Do you have… any idea of what I’ve been through to find you? Of all the…”

 

Lena couldn’t hold her angry expression for long before her face crumbled and she placed her head in her hands.

 

“I just… I know Kara. I talked to your father, and I know what you’ve been doing. Trying to keep a foot in both worlds. Trying to keep your family, your parents, your history close. I just… maybe it’s selfish, but it hurts that you’d be willing to risk us. Risk the family you have now, the life you have now… That you’d rather live in the past than live with me. It just hurts so damn much. Because I love you more than anything in the world. You were brain dead Kara… you are braindead I guess still… and I plugged myself into your consciousness. Because… I couldn’t bear to live in a world without you in it.”

 

She turned to face Kara, her tears trailing down her cheeks.

 

“But to me, you’d rather live in this place… then live with me.”

 

The blonde woman was lost for words, and her eyes drifted down for a few seconds before she reached over silently and gripped the brunette’s hand softly.

 

“Lena… I’m sorry. And just saying that isn’t enough…”

 

Kara turned her head to look at Lena, her own tears forming.

 

“I’ve been lost… for so long. A part of me died when my planet died. When my people died… when my family died. My whole life since then had felt like I was missing a piece of my soul. A hole that was filled with anger and bitterness and loss. After I went into a coma… after my fight with Reign… I just… Suddenly I could see it all.”

 

The blue-eyed woman gestured around her.

 

“I could see myself sometimes, lying in that bed. Sometimes I could hear people talking. I could hover…. and I could see you. But, I could also soar and just… feel everything. Feel colours. And every single thought and emotion. And travel my memories.”

 

She began to cry in earnest now.

 

“And I could talk to my family. To my father. And he… he was real Lena. He is real. They all are and they exist here!”

 

Her eyes became downcast.

 

“I had a choice…. a choice to stay or to go… and I was ready to go. I wanted to go. I made my peace with everyone, and I said my goodbyes.”

 

Her eyes turned back to Lena’s and pinned her with her gaze.

 

“To everyone but you Lena. I heard you that day. And you asked me to stay. I realised I loved you at that moment too, and I couldn’t leave without you knowing that. So I woke up, and risked losing all of this,” she said, gesturing around before frowning.

 

“But darling… as much as I love you, and I love the people in my life. I wasn’t…. I wasn’t happy… And then, I started to see them in my dreams, and the joy I felt Lena! I could talk to my father, I could see my mother. And in my dreams, I could hug them and touch them. I didn’t want to lose that. So when I started to see them in my daylight hours… All I wanted was for them to stay with me. My father tried to warn me that I couldn’t exist in both places, that what I wanted was impossible. But I thought… I thought I was strong enough to have both.”

 

The room fell silent before Lena gave Kara’s hand a tight squeeze and looked at her sadly.

 

“I want you to know… that I’d fight for you Kara. To the ends of the earth and beyond if I have to. But…. I can’t fight for you if…” 

 

She shuddered lightly and extracted her hand from the blondes.

 

“Do you want to stay Kara? Because if you do… this time I’m not going to be selfish. I’m not going to ask you to come back with me. If we can get back at all… But I want to ask you because this time it’s your choice and yours alone.”

 

Lena looked up sharply then and steeled her spine.

 

“But you have to make a choice Kara. You have to make a choice now.”

 

The silence fell once more, and a warm glow filled the room. Suddenly, Lena seemed to freeze in time and Kara looked around slightly confused and panicked at what was happening. That’s when she saw that her father had suddenly appeared in the room. A fond smile gracing his features as he stared at the immobile Lena.

 

“Dad…?” Kara questioned in confusion.

 

He remained silent but stepped forward at sat on the other side of the frozen brunette.

 

“She truly is marvellous Kara. Of all the creatures, in all the galaxies, in all the multiverse… I don’t think you could have found someone more worthy and devoted to you.”

 

The older man finally turned her gaze from the woman and onto his daughter. 

 

His face stilled, and his eyes became gentle when he saw the tears streaming from the blonde’s eyes as she looked at the other woman, completely distraught.”

 

“Oh, little one… my sweet girl, I’m so sorry.”

 

She turned to face him, a crease between her eyebrows.

 

“Why are you sorry?”

 

“Because it’s only now… that I think I finally understand why you can’t let this place go.”

 

The crease deepened, and she began to fidget in her chair.

 

“I told you… and you must have heard. It’s because-“

 

He stopped her by standing and kneeling before her, taking her hands in his own.

 

“Maybe partly little one, but you and I both know that isn’t the whole truth.”

 

Her hands began to tremble softly, and he gave them a reassuring squeeze.

 

“I wondered…” he began softly. “Why you would be willing to risk your chance as a life. A real life, with people who love you. And a woman,” he continued, glancing towards to still immobile Lena. 

 

“Who loves you enough, to risk her own life. Maybe her soul, for you.”

 

He turned back to her.

 

“When you could live a full life, a happy life… and then return to us when your real time comes.”

 

His eyes filled with tears of his own.

 

“But now I understand. It’s because if you accept that this woman is worth potentially losing us… If your life on earth is worth it if your love is worth it… Then that means, deep down you are accepting that the loss of us. Of me. Of your mother. Of your family, culture and planet… All of that was worth it.”

 

He leaned in closer and caught the tears that began to flow in earnest from her eyes. 

 

“The loss of Krypton is not your burden to bear sweet one. Accepting that this woman is your soul mate, doesn’t mean it was destined and inevitable to die.”

 

She sobbed loudly and pressed her forehead against her father’s.

 

“I’m sorry… I’m sorry… I’m sorry… I couldn’t save you. I couldn’t… A not matter what I do… what I do as Supergirl. It will never make up for losing you all.”

 

He pulled her down and into a hug, and her tears soaked his shirt.

 

“It wasn’t your fault Kara. You surviving wasn’t your fault… to feel guilty for finding joy in your life because we are gone and lost from this plane is damaging. And inevitably… even if you return to the physical world. If you continue to hold onto the pain in your heart and use it as a shield to experience the joy your life can give you. Of what love can give you. Then you will have lost your chance to experience the purest thing in the galaxy. Love.”

 

He gestured to the brunette.

 

“I know you feel it for her Kara. I can sense it in you, and the love in her eyes is reflected in your own. Stop fearing to give into it. Let us go, along with your guilt. Allow yourself to build something full of hope. And live your life in the present, to grow towards the future. Your life isn’t meant for this place, Kara.”

 

Zor El smiled at her gently.

 

“And no matter if you can see us, or hear us. Now you know for certain…”

 

He pointed to her heart.

 

“We are with you forever. Right here. And when it is your time, we will be ready to welcome you home.”

 

Kara hesitated, before breaking down completely.

 

She let go of her tears on her father’s shoulder.

 

She let go of her pain, her anger, her guilt, her sorrow, her loss, her fear.

 

Her darkness.

 

Kara allows herself a few more minutes of comfort from her father before she pulled back.

 

“I’ll miss you father.”

 

Zor El smiled again, and the warm glow faded.

 

Lena suddenly blinked and took in the sight of the kneeling man with surprise.

 

“Zor El… what are you-“

 

She was cut off with an ‘oomph’ as Kara pulled her into a tight hug.

 

“I was afraid for so long… That I wasn’t deserving of this…” The blonde whispered before pulling away.

 

“And I still am. But… I want to be deserving. I want to wake up with you every day. Every day for the rest of my life. I want to grow old with you, and live with you and have children with you. Kids I can teach my culture and my history too. A life with you, where I can allow myself to experience happiness not in place of what I lost, but beyond it in its own way. I’m sorry, that it took so long for me to figure it out… But I love you more than anything. And even if the price of being with you for only a minute was losing this place, I would take it.”

 

She looked at her father with an unsteady smile, before placing her hand over her own heart.

 

“ Because I know now… that they’ll be with me in here forever. But I want to spend that forever with you.”

 

Lena’s eyes filled with a mixture of awe and disbelief before she pulled the blonde into a heated kiss.

 

A few seconds past, before Zor El let out an awkward cough that sent to two women springing apart.

 

“As much as I like you, Lena… I don’t think my fatherly sensibilities are quite ready to handle seeing you kiss my daughter with such enthusiasm right before my very eyes.”

 

Lena laughed awkwardly but pulled the surprised man into a hard hug.

 

“I know I don’t really know you that well, but I am so glad to have met you.”

 

He returned the hug with a smile.

 

“If you know Kara, you know me little one. Remember this though, my love for my love for my daughter, and my family extends to you too. And when you finally leave the physical world. This place made from the memories of Krypton will be open to you too.”

 

The brunette teared up again, and Kara gave her father a wide smile before being pulled into another hug.

 

“I will miss you, father. I love you.”

 

He smiled in return, and the room became fuzzy.

 

 

* * *

 

 

_Until we meet again little one. A remember, to paint your mysteries._

 

 

* * *

 

Soaring high enough to touch the sun.

 

The sky, the ocean, the light.

 

All around the light.

 

And a hand grasped tight in her own.

 

A feeling of joy

 

Of excitement.

 

For the future.

 

* * *

 

Kara woke up with a deep gasp as she heaved in a lungful of air. A panicked-looking Alex, who was leaning over Lena’s groggy form nearly jumped from her skin. A second passed before the redhead pulled her in for a tight hug and a sob.

 

“Oh my God, Kara…” she cried, gripping the blonde even tighter.

 

The hero’s thoughts were slightly dopey as she returned the hug, but her eyes roved in on Lena who was currently standing with retuned strength as she pulled electrodes from her skin.

 

Alex pulled away with a joyful, but confused expression.

 

“But…but…how?”

 

Kara smiled widely, but her eyes slid to the CEO.

 

The brunette’s face filled with love, and she stepped forward. 

 

The blonde reached for her hand and held it tight.

 

“Ask my fiancee.”

 

Lena’s eyes widened, and her smile stretched further.

 

“Is this you saying yes?”

 

Kara shrugged, her eyes sparkling.

 

“I stayed, didn’t I?

 

* * *

 

Singing under the stars

Where have you come from my darling

Standing in the shadows

Where have you been

 

I’ve been here all along my darling

Here all along

I see you in my dreams sometimes.

Even though I don’t dream of you.

No matter what I see,

I see you.

 

Stay with me my dear

Please don’t go

For if you leave me, you’ll take my heart with you

 

Please don’t go

But if you leave, take me too

Night and day, dark and light

Church bells ring, and singers die

I cannot see, for all my might

Take me home, I cannot fight

 

Stay with me, throughout the eve

And when it comes, your time to leave

Take me with you, don’t let me go

 I will not last, of that you know.

Flickers of light, have pierced my vision

Even in the darkness, I see your face

And although I’m still lost

I’m falling in love with you

 

Now I sit, and I wonder I do

If I would ever know peace, except with you

 

Night time delights

Wind through the leaves

And shadows made from shadows

Hearing heightened, smell sharpened

Beams of moonlight

Night time delights

 

 

What is worth more to you, in the fading light.

To look behind, or look ahead.

 

Daytime delights, chase night time’s shadows

Light for dark

Song for silence.

Daytime delights

 

Violent Ends

Start with peaceful beginnings

Only to have violent ends

Scream and cry, you’ll die just the same

 

Float away, float away

You won’t find me, I’ve gone towards peace

Let me be free, you won’t find me.

 

How did you find… how did you find…

You should flee, you should flee

But I can’t help ask, that you don’t leave me.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did we like?
> 
> Millions of unanswered questions?
> 
> Maybe... a third and grande finale?
> 
> Who knows ;)

**Author's Note:**

> Did we enjoy, this very brief taste?


End file.
